Another door slammed shut. As it closed, hope slipped out with it, leaving only darkness. After a really good visit with my family doctor, I thought we were getting somewhere. I was full of hope before I made the call to a neurology specialist. But then came the news that the specialist might not take me on as a patient. If she did, it would be ten months until she could see me. Ah, the ups and downs of living with a rare and mysterious illness.
I forced myself to remember the things I have already learned: I like roller coasters; only a strong person could handle this; God has entrusted this to me, so I need to do my best with it. Yesterday was much the same as today. Lots of knocking on doors, only to hear that familiar slamming sound. But then a friend shared part of Isaiah 40. She didn’t share it to me specifically, rather in a group for another reason. But God used it to quiet my anxious heart.
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
Encouragement swelled. Like the heart of the Grinch, my heart grew and changed, and hope moved back in. My circumstances did not change. Throughout the day, there was good news followed by devastating news, followed by hopeful news, and so on. But my perspective changed.
I may never literally run again or walk without becoming weary, but I know I can trust God who never becomes weary and gives strength to those who wait on him. While I wait, I will keep knocking on doors until one opens, whether that door is a doctor’s office or the gates of heaven.