I never thought that keeping marriage vows would end up in separation. Don’t freak out. Doug and I are not separating, we’re just temporarily apart as I hide from winter. After forty years, this is how Doug is keeping his vows to love and to cherish—in sickness and in health—till death parts us. He sent me away. Away from winter’s nastiness. My body, because of this weird condition I have, cannot handle the cold anymore. So, out of love, he has sent me to San Diego. Sometimes survival requires sun and beaches and palm trees. Of course it does!
Two days before our wedding, I had a serious car accident and was so stiff and sore at our wedding, I couldn’t stand up after I had knelt down for the prayer. Doug very gently but firmly pulled me to my feet. He’s been supporting me and taking care of me ever since. But there was so much more than my physical issues for him to deal with.
We didn’t know a few years down the road God was going to use my story of abuse in a very public way. We knew it had the potential to influence our relationship, but Doug had committed before we were married that he would walk with me through wherever my story took us. I truly believe if we had known in 1985 what we know now, we still would have made those vows, maybe in a more determined way than we did. But I am sure there was no one else I would have chosen to go through the joys and struggles of life than my wonderful husband.
It took me by surprise this week when I realized this latest chapter in our marriage is another way Doug is keeping our marriage vows. After suffering through a few Pennsylvania winters with serious consequences to my health, Doug said, “That’s enough. You are spending the winter in California.” It was a good news/bad news thing for me. The warmth and being with the California grands would be great, but I would be separated from Doug. But it was the right decision. What a difference it made in my health!
Two weeks into my winter hiatus in California this year, it dawned on me—this separation is keeping our vows to one another. It is strange that the best way for Doug to love me is to send me off to the sunshine. And the best way for me to love him is to go. As much as we don’t want to be apart, it is the most loving thing to do—certainly not the way we expected to keep our vows.
This time apart isn’t easy, even with the warm sun on my face. But it is a season of our lives we can be thankful for—we have a place to stay in California that costs us nothing but hugs. We have the opportunity to be stretched and grow in new ways. It makes a very positive difference in my health. Our phone calls and connection with each other are even more special. And, oddly, it teaches us another way to keep our wedding vows.
Doug will get a short break from winter when he comes out for a week in five days (yes, I’m counting down). And I am so looking forward to getting back to our normal, unseparated marriage in just a few weeks! Hopefully, winter will be the one sent away by then!
Lisa J Radcliff ~ Finding Freedom from the Past 