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A few weeks ago, there was an interesting sequence of events. Our teen group was talking about gender issues. One of the conclusions they came to was that sin is sin. They shouldn’t treat LGBT students any differently than they would anyone else. It was a good discussion. Then came a story from Florida. The Florida legislature passed a bill that ensured a Christian-based adoption agency would not be forced to offer children for adoption to same-sex couples. I understand the basis of the bill. To the adoption agency, it is a matter of religious freedom. Because they view homosexuality as a sin, accepting a same-sex couple would be against their religious beliefs. They shouldn’t be forced to do something that goes against their religious beliefs.

But going back to the discussion we had the night before, if sin is sin, and all sin is the same in God’s eyes, and we shouldn’t treat them any differently than anyone else, then how can we as Christians decide a particular sin precludes a person from being able to adopt a child? Are we saying that a gay person would not be a good parent? Do we ask heterosexual couples wanting to adopt what sins they struggle with? We aren’t assuming they don’t have any sin in their lives, are we? Are we saying that their sin isn’t as bad as the gay couple’s sin? Obviously, there are exceptions. We wouldn’t allow someone with a history of violence to adopt a child (or a pet, for that matter). But all things being equal – character references, job history, income, housing, education, etc. – aren’t we just being prejudicial if we say a person is unfit to parent based on their sexual preference?

Maybe I am an enigma in the Christian community. I have several gay friends, not just people I know who are gay, but actual friends. We do lunch and stuff. Some of these friends have stood by me and even bailed me out of some difficult situations. They have encouraged me, picked me up when I’ve been down. They are friends I have counted on. I have been happy for the privilege of writing recommendation letters for them for jobs or volunteer positions. I have watched them work with children, and I believe if they wanted to be parents, they would do an excellent job.

I am pretty sure that most Christians would say a gay person should not be discriminated against when it comes to housing, jobs, health insurance, etc. So why do we draw the line with children? We don’t want them as scout leaders, and we certainly don’t want them to be parents. But why? Have we asked ourselves? My guess is we must think that gay people surely must be pedophiles. Not true. At least not any more true than heterosexuals. “It’s not them, it’s their lifestyle.” What does that mean? I met my gay friends doing the things that I do. Their “lifestyle” includes Starbucks coffee, long days at work, helping kids with homework, walking the dog, making dinner, paying bills while watching This Is Us, and collapsing into bed, exhausted. Sounds a lot like my lifestyle.

Unfortunately, I am afraid that Christians have the same overreaction to gays that gays do to Christians, at least the ones who make the news. From what we see and read, gay people tend to think of Christians as hateful hypocrites. Christians tend to think of gay people as deviant predators. What if we took a look at each other, starting with the ‘each others’ we know. The gay people I know are really nice people who are fun to be around. I’m pretty sure they would say the same about the Christians in their lives. (At least I hope so, since I’m one of them.)

When I first saw the Florida ruling on Facebook, it was posted by my cousin who is gay and is also an adoptive parent. One of the comments she made was “Christians need to stop hiding their prejudice behind their religion.” The more I thought about that, the more I wondered if it is true. I thought about my cousin as a parent. She adopted a little boy with special needs. She had cared for him as his physical therapist since his birth. In adopting him, she knew he would be her whole life: from brain shunt to feeding tube and a future where the only certainty would be numerous surgeries and learning disabilities. Her son is now 19 years old, and I can’t imagine anyone who could have done a better job raising him. He recently started eating real food and has discovered a love of hamburgers. He also loves boxing and monster trucks. His mom takes him to a gym where he has excelled in their boxing program. And he has won enough medals at Special Olympic competitions to make Michael Phelps jealous. Maybe the best thing, he always has a smile on his face.

After thinking on this for a couple of weeks, I finally had to ask, “Are Christians homophobic?” That accusation and characterization has been leveled against Christians for decades, and I always felt it was unfounded and false. But the more I think about how Christians treat those who are different from us, the more I wonder if it may be true.

March 1. It’s a special day for me. It’s a day of memorable events. Today is the second anniversary of my mother-in-law’s home going. It was a moment that will be forever etched in my memory. Four generations of our family surrounded her bed, singing hymns, as she left us to meet God face to face. We held hands and prayed, and for the first time ever, I saw my father-in-law’s chin quiver.

The prayer that day was offered by my middle son, whose birthday happens to be March 1. Twenty-nine years ago today, right about now, I was giving birth to him. At 10 a.m. as a classic Lassie rerun was beginning on the room TV, the Pitocin kicked in like a Mack truck. For the next 41 minutes, my body did all it could to evict its 7 lb. 11oz. occupant. He almost didn’t wait for the doctor, but that’s OK. His father is a nurse and was ready to catch him just as the doctor ran into the room and took over. We were thrilled to add another boy to our family.

And now, today, March 1, I am celebrating another memorable event. My first book is officially being launched, released on Amazon, downloading to Kindles and arriving in mailboxes. Prayers are being offered that it would be a blessing to those who read it. When I started the writing process a few years ago, I didn’t know where it would lead, if I would finish writing the story, or if it would become a book. It has been an exciting journey so far, and I am looking forward to what else God has in store.

In the book, I mention a story of a woman I met when speaking at a women’s retreat. The theme was “Standing Stones,” marking the times God has done something significant in our walk with him. In Israel, during the time of Joshua, the people set up memorial stones as physical reminders of the things God had done for them.  Joshua 4:6-7 says (in part), “When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them…So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.”

I don’t have memorial stones (although there are a few large rocks in Maine that hold special memories). Instead, I have places, people, events, and dates – March 1 being a biggie. I am thankful to God for all he has done: for a very special woman, for my sweet baby Timmy, and for this new adventure. When my children (and anyone else who asks) want to know why March 1 is so significant to me, they may need to take a seat, there is a lot to talk about.

It’s THAT week: the one leading up to the exciting day I’ve been looking forward to for months. Oh yeah, my book’s official launch is this week. Amazon will start filling orders on Thursday. But, more importantly, on Saturday, I will fly away for a week of snuggling with my west coast granddaughters! Life is about perspective.

While I have put a lot of work into the book and it is good to see it completed, it doesn’t compare to seeing my grandchildren, holding them, hearing them laugh. <Sigh> It’s going to be a long week. I’m going to be that kid in the backseat, asking “Are we there yet?” every few minutes. So, I will try to focus on other things going on this week, like, my book.

Some of you have not just already ordered and received your copy from my website, but you have even read it. Your feedback has been great and very much appreciated! As we near the official launch date, here is another excerpt. This one is on shame:

Childhood sexual abuse shapes people in ways they wish it wouldn’t and may not even realize. One of the most common effects is the feeling of shame. I make the distinction between guilt and shame this way: Guilt results because of what you do, while shame results from believing what you do is who you are or who you think you are. Because we sin, we are all declared guilty. It’s a judgment against us. Shame takes that judgment and translates it from “you did a bad thing” to “you are a bad person.”

Abused children are often taught that the abuse is their fault or that they caused it in some way. The abuser tells the victim that they couldn’t stop themselves because of something the victim did, or that the victim deserved it. The victim then assumes that if they caused it to happen, then they must be evil themselves. Simple reasoning.

While our sin can be forgiven and our guilt taken away by the work of the cross, shame can remain. We don’t see ourselves as God see us—pure, holy, and white as snow. We still see ourselves as dirty, bad, somehow complicit in the abuse, and unworthy of such great grace. Our shame keeps us from experiencing the freedom and abundant life that Jesus died for.

We can also fall into the trap of believing we are our past or we are what happened to us, and so we live in a state of shame. While our past will shape us in some ways, it does not determine who we are. God has made us with a purpose in mind. Yes, the devastating things that enter our lives will influence us, and they are meant to, but they do not define us. If we allow God to work in us, he will take those negative experiences and weave them into the tapestry of our lives. They usually end up being the darker, contrasting threads that give the finished tapestry its unique beauty.

Some of us look at that tapestry and instead of seeing that the dark threads make it unique and beautiful, we believe that they ruin the tapestry, destroying its worth. We see what could have been a beautiful piece of art, but to us it is full of holes and mistakes that make it just plain ugly, certainly not something of worth. But that’s not how God sees us. Maybe some of the colors in our life’s tapestry are not what we would have picked, but what gives it worth—what makes it valuable—is who made it. I can only think of one Picasso that I think is a beautiful piece of art. But I recognize that his other paintings are valuable because they are Picassos, not because of my feelings for them.

The creator of our lives had a special design in mind for us. And because it is his design, it is perfect, beautiful, and valuable. It is said that something is worth what someone will pay for it. Jesus gave his life for us, making our worth immeasurable.

That’s the introduction of the section on shame. The next part gets into more specific aspects of shame and sexual abuse. It is one of the most common feelings an abuse victim deals with. As the book’s launch date draws near, I am praying that God would use it and get it into the hands of those it can help.

Half a day gone – Are we there yet?

Have you been to Amazon, creating a traffic jam on my book page? I still need you to do that to let Amazon know they should stock the book. But you don’t have to buy it there. You don’t have to buy it at all. But if you would like to buy it, you can do that right here on my website. Just go to My Books and click Buy Now. That will take you to my BookShop page. You can buy the book there, and it will be shipped to you immediately. While you’re there, you can read a 10-page excerpt of the book. I chose a 10-page section in the middle of the book. Seems odd, you say, to select an except from the middle of the book. You are probably right, but there is a reason.

Many, many years ago, I read in a book (I do not remember the title or author) that if you were molested as a minor by an adult, it was not your fault, regardless of the circumstances. The adult is always the responsible party. That was the key to freedom for me. So, I thought,” what if someone who has been abused takes a peek at my book but isn’t going to buy it?” I should put in that snippet the most important thing they can take away from it – it was not your fault. So that is why I chose the pages in the middle of the book.

Here is how that section starts and explains how what was supposed to remain hidden forever became public:

Three years into married life, I joined a group of women from our church for a retreat. We had a great time, laughing and learning together. One of the speakers talked about forgiving people from your past and letting go of resentments, and after her session I spoke to two of the ladies on the trip about my past. It was the first time I talked to anyone except for my husband about my abuse.

They listened and were sympathetic. But they told me, “If that man is ever arrested, you’ll have to tell your story.” I said, “That will never happen. It’s been nearly ten years since my abuse ended, and he hasn’t been caught yet so it’s not likely he’ll ever be caught.”

We returned home Sunday night, and before seven a.m. on Monday morning, my phone rang. I dragged myself out of bed in a post-retreat stupor. The caller was one of the women I had confided in at the retreat. Why was she calling so early, and why did morning people have to bother the rest of us? I tried to focus on what she was saying.

She asked, “Was the man who abused you named Mr. R?” I said, “Yes, how do you know that?” Her reply made my head swirl and my knees weaken, but I was now wide awake: “He’s been arrested. It’s in the paper.” I sunk to the floor in disbelief. She finished, “You know you have to talk to the police.”

I told her I would, hung up the phone, and dissolved into a puddle of tears. How could this be happening now? My life was perfect. It was all I ever wanted. Why did I need to deal with this now?

My husband, who had been enjoying his bowl of cereal and was unaware of the other end of the phone conversation, dropped his spoon in his bowl and picked me up off the floor. I relayed the conversation through choked sobs. He suggested I call our pastor’s wife for advice, but it was much too early in the morning to make any phone calls, so I said goodbye to my husband as he went to work, and then sat down with my Bible.

Turning to the Bible study I was planning to start that day, I read about how we suffer so that we can comfort others who are suffering in the same way with the comfort we have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:4 paraphrased). What, Lord? I thought. Oh no, I can’t share this ugliness with others. I don’t want this to be the thing you use in me. It needs to stay hidden. There are plenty of other things, other lessons I have learned, other experiences you can use, but not this one.

Fighting with God is futile. Really, the fight was only on my side of the conversation. God said all he planned to say in his Word and waited for me to hear it. I knew in my heart, even before the argument began, how it would end. So, with a lot of fear in my heart and butterflies the size of Godzilla in my stomach, I said, “God, if this is the purpose for what I’ve suffered, guide my steps and give me strength to do what you have planned for me.”

Three hours later I was sitting in the living room of our pastor’s home, pouring out my story to his wife. She sat in stunned silence. Literally, her mouth was hanging open. The only words she had said (over and over) during my story were, “Oh, my stars.” When I finished, she said, “I can’t believe it. You’re so together, so normal, so full of joy. How could you have gone through this and turned out okay?”

I told her that when I was saved, I believed God took away not only my sins but also my past, and that had rendered it powerless, hidden with Christ.

That’s how it first came out. Read the rest of that 10-page excerpt, including going to the police, dealing with shame, and feeling stuck spiritually because of my past. You’ll get a good idea of what to expect from the rest of the book. Thanks for your support of this project!

Do you remember that feeling when your teacher handed back a paper you wrote. They always turned them face down on your desk, and you paused a second to summon the courage to flip it over and see your grade. You thought it was an A paper, but what if the teacher didn’t like it? You’d swear your desk became the front car of a roller coaster, just about to crest that first stomach-flipping drop. With shaky hands, the moment of truth came. Would it be pure joy or would I be sorry I got on board?

My moment, my first paper, just came. I submitted my book to an impartial third-party review company. I got a text this morning that my first review was done. The teacher just slammed my paper face-down on my desk. I just needed to open my laptop to see what the grade was. As I logged in, that familiar feeling came back. Did they like it? Did they get me and my style of writing? With that roller coaster inching its way to the top of the first hill, the report opened–Congratulations on your 5-star review!

What? This must be a mistake. But it seemed safe to read what they wrote. Hmm, they like the book. They picked out how it is different from others in its genre. They picked up on my writing style, calling it friendly and ruthless (sounds like someone who knows me well). I kept reading, enjoying the smaller hills, and relieved the coaster came to a stop without anything bad happening. Time to hop out and do it again. Maybe the next review will have some parts I don’t like, similar to the coasters with the big shoulder harnesses I don’t care for, but this was easy to take, like Nitro at Great Adventure – now there’s a roller coaster.

Here it is:

Reviewed By Arya Fomonyuy for Readers’ Favorite
Hidden with Christ: Breaking Free from the Grip of Your Past by Lisa J. Radcliff is another interesting book I have read about inner freedom and emotional health this year, a story that follows one woman’s experience of childhood abuse and her journey towards real freedom in Jesus Christ. In this book, the author chronicles her pain and deception from the abuses by some persons in her life, but curiously, this isn’t a story of despair, or a cry in the dark. It is a story of hope and ultimate redemption in Christ, and readers will understand how the author writes about the the healing love and inscrutable ways of God.

Lisa J. Radcliff’s book carries a very powerful and life-altering message — our past does not determine who we are, and no matter how much we have been abused and hurt, we can always find redemption in the love of God. The book is written in a friendly manner and the author’s voice comes across as honest, in a ruthless kind of way. It is hard to read this book without feeling a deep sense of compassion for the author, but readers will feel inspired and encouraged to walk past their hurts and embrace the life that lies before them. I enjoyed the conversational tone of the writing and the insightful messages. Hidden with Christ: Breaking Free from the Grip of Your Past is a wonderful gift of faith, a gift that will help readers rediscover their past and break free from the prisons of that past. A very inspiring read!

Did you know you can buy my book directly from my website RIGHT NOW? No waiting for the March 1 launch date. Just go to the My Books page and click on the BUY NOW button. That will take you to my BookShop page where you can buy a paperback or ebook version of my book, and it will be shipped to you today! Thank you for buying the book and please share it with your church, women’s group, family, and friends. And join me in praying that many will be helped by its message of freedom.  Thanks!

“I am so excited to see that Lisa is allowing God to use her difficult experiences to reach out to others.

I have been involved with the Seeing Eye, where they train dogs to guide blind people, and as a graduate of the The Seeing Eye have on many occasions shared the podium or stage with Lisa. She was always engaging, clear, often utilizing humor to keep the interest and focus of the audience.
I know that she will be used by our Lord to help others to come to grips with any similar or shared experiences. Lisa will be able to show how God can heal, comfort, and rebuild broken lives, no matter what the experience.
Perhaps, most importantly, how the Holy Spirit can bring real forgiveness into the lives of victims and abusers, tuff as that is to envision.
My humble prayers and best wishes go with Lisa, and to all that she may encounter, and that the healing will be real!”
John D. Hollenbach, Mayor
Perkasie Borough, PA

“We at Pinebrook Bible Conference recommend Lisa Radcliff as a speaker for a Bible Retreat type of speaking engagement. She has spoken during at least one of our Ladies’ Retreats in the past and was well received by the guests and received great feedback for the personal experiences and teaching she shared. We give her a great recommendation to be used at any future retreats at Pinebrook Bible Conference & Retreat Center and any other gathering of the Retreat speaking kind anywhere she is asked.
Thanks for considering this recommendation.”
Charlie Bomgardner
Director of Marketing
Pinebrook Bible Conference & Retreat Center